Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
