Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
