So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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