I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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