Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
