What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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