Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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