I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
