rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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