Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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