her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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