I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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