so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
