Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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