it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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