I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you had me at cake vodka
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
