I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
