Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want her autograph on my taint
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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