I think I won the penis lottery.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
