apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
