There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
