Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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