shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
