I cockslap morals
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
