so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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