wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
