We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
