Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
