I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
