dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
