she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
