Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have feelings that need drinking.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
