I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
