my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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