How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
