U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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