god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
