He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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