When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
