Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
