I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I want a musical about memes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
