I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
