I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
