I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
