is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
