so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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