I think my fart just growled at me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
