he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
