I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
