Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
