Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
